Today’s post is brought to you by “Oh my god my brain is about to quit”. No, seriously. I think I am developing a bipolar disorder. All self-inflicted of course, when is it not? Are you with me?
A few months ago I went through a crappy breakup (damn! the heart takes a while to heal), you know, life was full of birds and rainbows and BAM! Then all of the sudden, someone pulls the rug under your feet and you slam your face on the floor – “wake up and smell the coffee!” you tell yourself. You know the drill, “that’s how life works.”
So, as of late I have found that yes, it is awesome, amazing – amazeballs and shit – to have a significant other, but even with the most amazing partner, you may still have feelings of “emptiness”, especially if your self-worth-tank is running really low. The only way to fill it up? Take care of yourself and do/achieve things that are YOURS AND YOURS ONLY. Things that no one can take away from you; not your spouse, not your friends, not even god or whatever spiritual being you believe in.
Self-worth comes from creating a STRONG BOND with yourself (it’s like catching up with your bestie). It comes from feeling useful, skillful, and loved. This will only happen once you take risks and do things that will benefit YOU. Call it a new job, a new look, or a new set of skills. Those things are achieved by YOU. Those are your victories – mistakes and heartbreaks included. And yes, sometimes IT’S OK TO BE SELFISH. We are used to be at the mercy of everything and everyone: your phone, your email, your boss. Answer this, respond to that…..Whatever. They all can wait! If you keep making them your priority over YOU, then you’ll never catch up with your self-bestie and you’ll burn out.
Burning out is horrible; it’s like watching a slow-mo train wreck: you ruin dinners, you are a bitch to your friends, you can’t concentrate, you eat cookies at night and watch VINE for hours ’cause you don’t wanna deal with your to-do list (don’t lie, you do that too), you feel like the only cool ideas coming out of you are farts…er..you know what I mean. It’s all a fine balance, a tricky tricky fine balance between building your self-worth and not going overboard with it.
So why I am babbling about this shit? Well, ’cause I think I’ve been chewing too much and my brain is running dry and I’m about to puke all over the floor. Do you feel like that? Sometimes, never, always? I think it’s time for me to step back and see what’s going on. Organize. Assess. And do it all over again (we love to be sadistic with our minds, don’t we?). I am thankful for all the things I have, the opportunities I have found, and the people around me (including YOU!!). And look forward to everything else that’s lined up. And that’s that, I am struggling and wanted to share it with you.
We should ALL build a strong foundation – our self-worth – so we can withstand any fuckery that life may throw in our path. If someone pulls the rug under our feet, we’ll definitely fall, but we’ll take less time get back up. We’re all in this together. Right!?
Now let’s go have a drink.
Happy weekend!
PS. 10 signs you’re burning out
Image credit: Bob Lightowler
Vanessa says
I hear ya. Take time for you! Breakups suck.
Gabriel says
They do! But they don’t last forever, thank god!
alicia says
Chin up! This little place you’ve created here is all yours and it’s pretty damn inspiring. Keep it up :)
Gabriel says
Thanks Alicia! :D Appreciate it
Nicole says
Gabriel! This post really hit home for me, i’m struggling almost as much as you are right now. Not with my relationship, but with my career/life path. I’ve never been more burnt out in my life. Basically my brain feels like mush and my job is a giant failure for reasons I probably shouldn’t post here. I feel like i’ve wasted 8 years working and getting no where. Basically because of my work situation i’ve started thinking WAY too much. So much self doubt and wondering if what I went to school for what a total waste of time because my job is basically extinct these days. I could go on and on, but i’ll save you the pain. I just really never though at the age of 30 i’d be feeling like I did when I graduated high school, a little bit like a lost puppy. Thank so much for sharing this!
Gabriel says
Hi Nicole! I totally get you, it’s such a weird thing to feel “lost again” and love how you phrased it “feeling like I did when I graduated highschool”. What I’ve kinda figured out though is that there is no time to waste, if something is NOT working, is time to move on, whether it be a relationship, a job, or even a hobby. It’s hard, but I think discovering new things helps A LOT with your self worth. Hang in there friend! We’ll get out of this one!
lyndsay // coco cake land says
gabriel – sorry to hear about the breakup. that stinks. and i absolutely hear you about burn-out.. i think it’s very common amongst us blogger types, because we feel the need to post often and create great content and there are so many projects, deadlines, etc… i’ve burned out twice so far in my cake/blogging career (all stemming from personal issues – once from depression and another from marital problems). each time i’ve had to re-evaluate and transition into what will work better for me. the burnout time is almost necessary as it makes you realize that it’s time to implement balance and to do some self-healing.
you are extremely talented at what you do! the honesty is great and it’s real – ! but yes taking time to nurture the self is so crucial! cocktails, acupuncture, hours on vine – whatever floats your boat and gets you through a slump and bump in the road.
take care of yourself! ^__^
Gabriel says
Thanks Lyndsay! It’s so great to hear everyone’s experiences on these issues and it’s always super inspiring to hear how they overcome it. Thanks for your words! :D
danielle (aka the jealous curator) says
well, it doesn’t autocorrect to ‘fab’ for nothin’ … don’t worry, your milkshake will bring new boys to your yard! you rock. end o’ story.
Gabriel says
haha! Love that! Gotta go get me sum ice cream then ;) Thanks Danielle!
danielle (aka the jealous curator) says
xo!
Sandra says
Um, yes. To the burnout that is. You may have noticed that I haven’t been as prolific of late in the blogging and socializing – I hit the wall in June.
Overwhelmed. Too much on my plate. Too busy yet still not doing enough of the “right” things. Running, running, running yet not seeing friends enough, etc. Not feeling like I was getting anywhere.
And throw in some FOMO (fear of missing out) to spice things up.
My solution? F*** the rules – the blogging rules, the networking rules, the “getting ahead”. Whatever the rules, I tossed them aside.
Doing it my way, on my terms and at my own pace. Being in the moment rather than thinking of the next “to do”.
And I love your advice – owning your success and abilities and passions. Powerful stuff my friend.
And yes, break ups suck.
Gabriel says
Hi Sandra! It’s true, we sometimes have to let go of “the rules” and just live. I mean, we don’t want to turn 60 or something and then be like “shit…did I do anything with my life?”… so yes, let’s break’em!
Chelsea C. says
Hey. I like you. If I was with you right now I’d buy you a drink and make you tell me all about it and then say, “Sweet. Eff all that. What’s next?” ;) You’re a dream and even dreams need a breather sometimes. xoxo
Gabriel says
Aw! Thanks Chelsea! I would definitely love to go for a drink with ya! And thanks so much for your kind words XO!
Diane says
gabriel, thanks for sharing, even the really tough stuff. will send positive energy and thoughts your way.
Gabriel says
Hi Diane! Thank you! They will be very well received :)