Oh here comes a pep talk…just kiddin!

Seriously, I’m not gonna bore you with a huge ass post about how enlightened I am now that I am in my 30s and how mother teresa has spoken to me in my dreams about how to become a better human being. None of that stuff, ’cause I ain’t enlightened and I am a mess. A pretty happy mess.

So I just turned 31 (did you wish me a happy birthday? RUDE!), and it happened so fast I can’t even believe it. I swear, it felt like yesterday when I was blowing candles for my 30th birthday and now BOOM! 31 hit me in the face…with all its glory, its wisdom and its saggy tits.

Since I survived the so called “dirty thirty” – which if you ask me, turning 30 wasn’t as dirty as I thought it would be, or maybe it’s just that my perv threshold has expanded, anyways – I do have a teeny bit of advice for ya, young (and not so young) ducklings.

Be Selective:

Remember in high school when you wanted to be friends with everyone? Especially with that crazy bitch you hated but she had connections to all the cool peeps? (Let’s call this bitchy entity “Becky”).

Well, it’s time to get rid of Becky and her entire army of merry assholes. By cleaning up your circle of friends and making time ONLY for those who you truly care, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of trouble and stress. I’m not saying you should become a patchouli-stinking-bergamot-tea-drinking hermit hippie, not at all. You should still be polite, sociable, and gracious, but you should focus on spending MORE time with those you love and WAY LESS time (or no time at all) with those who you feel will eventually fade away.

Take Care of Yo Self and Treat Yo Self:

Once you leave behind the realm of your 20s your metabolism pretty much goes all like “fuck this. peace *mic drop*” and eating twinkies for fun and drinkin’ booze everyday becomes a death sentence. You soon change from going out to cure the hangover so you can drink again to having brunch with friends, sippin’ on tomato juice and complaining about how much gas vodka gives you.

With all these changes is normal to sometimes feel like giving up, but you shouldn’t! Yo body is a temple, and you should keep it Taj Mahal fabulous ’til the day you die. Squeezing a bit of exercise here and there is not that hard, and adding healthy things to your diet is easy. Take baby steps, don’t overwhelm yourself. Do it for your self-esteem and pride and treat yo self! It’s ok to eat that donut, just don’t eat the whole box.

We gotta live a little for fucks sakes!

Go Big, Bold, and Amazeballs or Go Home:

The clock is ticking, you ain’t getting any younger and the longer you wait to do something the shittier and harder will get. Total honesty here. I’m not sugar coating it with “oh it’s ok if you’re 70 and decide to bungee jump!” Sure…if you want your spine to split in half!

This is your time to seize as many opportunities as you can, to try different things, to fail, to achieve, to fuck shit up. Now more than ever you should ditch those feelings of “guilt” for doing something you like – guilt because someone else thinks it’s not a good idea. Sure, you can listen to their advice, but at the end of the day, you MUST listen your inner voice – can you hear it? It’s saying GO FOR IT!!

What’s the worst that could happen? You fail? Meh, if anything your balls just got bigger.

Create Like Crazy:

Yes, create, create, create. Almost to the point of being insane about it. Doesn’t matter what it is; food, photos, art, design, crafts. Use your god given talents (not talking about your ability to juice an orange with your twerking) and use them everyday if possible. Again, baby steps, create small stuff and go from there. When you create something you learn so much! You basically figure out the things you like and the things you hate about it. It’s an awesome journey of fuckery! No really, it is. You discover so much about yourself, it’s crazy.

Most importantly, do it for fun. Don’t try to get paid for it, don’t have any expectations. Just create for the sake of it. Treat it as a little mind retreat to think about other stuff that is not related to paying bills, talking to your mother, or trying to score a date.

So there. That wasn’t too bad, was it?! I guess this post is a bit of a part 2 to last years (super popular post btw) Finding Success in Your 30s..

If you have some wisdom you wanna share with us, leave it in the comments below (please do!). Now if you excuse me, I gotta stuff my face with cake and gotta put a bit of alcohol in my blood stream. Cheers and happy weekend!

Image Credit
From top to bottom:
– Fuck Yeah by Friends of Type
– I’m not with stupid anymore by Wesley Bird
– I wear black… by Gymlife
– If not now when by WRDNBNR
– Make something awesome by Zeke Tucker